A Light in the Void
by Zoe Maddox
Summary: Barriss has seen and experienced many things she never thought she would when she was first brought to the Temple. She's made friends and plenty enemies. Here are a few moments of her life that we might not have seen otherwise. Hanging out with her best friend, struggling with attachments, fighting a war, and trying to stay to the Code but follow her heart.
1. Tanning

So, after a Star Wars marathon, my best friend and I decided that I am Barriss and she is Ahsoka. We went all out, changing names in phones, calling each other the names, doodling funny moments of our lives in Star Wars style. After drawing a really funny picture entitled "Tanning", I decided to have a story with each chapter inspired by a different picture.

The picture for this chapter is on deviantArt. ZoeMaddox is the profile name and "Tanning" is the title.

Thanks, Ahsoka! You deserve these for being the best sister ever. Love ya, girl!

Enjoy!

Thank you,

Zoe Maddox

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Chapter One: Tanning

I pull my cloak over my eyes and make sure that it is still safely folded across my chest. I clutch a few datapads and my commlink to my chest and I try to keep my head down. I'm sure I look suspicious as hell and I'll probably be more likely to be caught this way, but I'm not sure how to "act naturally" as Ahsoka had put it. She's the daring one; I'm just the one with the plan. And making sure that we don't die. Seems like that's how it always goes.

I take the lift to the top of the Jedi Temple, fiddling with my commlink and trying to read the information I brought with me with one the datapads. But I'm too nervous to concentrate. I tap my foot, bite my lip, and think about all the trouble I'll get in if Master Unduli finds out what I'm up to or if I get caught. It hadn't been my idea; these little adventures were always Ahsoka's ideas. Don't get me wrong, they were always fun and I always appreciated the way they took my mind off the War, but something in the back of my head asks how long until we get caught or until something goes wrong.

The lift opens and I carefully avoid the lightsaber classes being held. I inch along the wall and when I pass into the trees, I run, my cloak flowing behind me. When I come to the place in the wall with a small purple flower potted in front of it, I flip up onto the wall. About thirty feet away from me, sprawled across a towel with a brilliant blue bikini on, is Ahsoka. She's laying on a towel with the Republic symbol on it and her lightsabers lie next to her head. She doesn't open her eyes, but I see a small smirk cross her face.

"You're late." She says.

I lay my towel with the Jedi Order symbol on it and place my commlink and datapads next to it. As I'm unhooking my lightsaber from my bikini bottom, Ahsoka sits up and opens her eyes. She looks me over and raises her eyebrow at my datapads. She points to my cloak.

"You can't tan in that."

I blush. I'm modest to the point of insanity. I mean I wear tank tops and shorts for working out and if there's an occasion, but my regular robes cover everything except my face and hands. I'm not used to showing my body. Ahsoka couldn't care less. She's confident in a way I wish I could be.

"Come on, Barr. You promised." She pouts.

"Fine." I growl and pull off my cloak. Ahsoka nods at my bikini and lies back down and closes her eyes. I follow the suit. Ahsoka chuckles to herself.

"What?" I ask. I have a feeling this is going to be good. Ahsoka is always hilarious.

"Overachiever!" she says.

"WTF!?" I say, opening my right eye and glaring at her.

She just laughs and I close my eye, waiting for her to explain.

"Only you, Barriss. You're the only Jedi who would bring datapads with you to a tanning party." She giggles.

I blush and giggle a little to myself. "Yeah, I guess. It was my way of making up for skipping."

My mind thinks back to yesterday when the plan went down. Ahsoka and I had been walking back from lunch to studies yesterday when her face lit up and her eyes glinted with what could only be another "plan" of hers. I had internally grimaced a little, but I smiled back.

"Barr, I have an idea…" She had muttered and I knew that we were definitely going to be doing something against the rules.

"Tomorrow, we have a study session in the Archives after lunch, right?" She had asked.

I nodded. She knew that I have the schedule memorized. Having a strict master such as Master Unduli can be beneficial at times.

"Let's skip it and tan on the roof." She suggested.

My mouth had almost fallen to the floor. We had broken the rules before and done some pretty daring things, but this was preposterous. Skipping a study session to… _Tan_? Something so girly and absurd… Could Mirialans or Togrutas even tan? I almost couldn't believe she had suggested it. Then I realized who I was talking to. I swallowed hard, making a small gulping sound that Ahsoka smirked at.

"Leave lunch a little early and change into your bikini…" She paused and her tattooed eyebrow rose a bit, "…if you have one. Then leave for the place above the purple flower where we watched the falling stars last time."

I shot her a dirty look at her comment at me having a bikini and then I nodded very slightly when she had finished showing I knew where she was talking about. We made it to the small classroom where we were to spend the rest of our afternoon learning.

"Just don't get caught." Ahsoka had whispered as we entered the classroom and took our seats.

And I hadn't. I had done everything my sister from another planet had told me to. I had finished early with my lunch and slipped away to my quarters. After I had changed, I put on a thick cloak and grabbed my studies and commlink. Then, after taking a deep breath or two, I stepped out of my quarters and made my way here.

"So, how's your man?" Ahsoka asks. I realize I've been pretty silent the last few minutes thinking about yesterday and getting here. It's customary for us to ask each other at some point in our conversation how our man is doing. Even if it's not the first thing or the last thing we talk about, it always and probably will always come up at one point in the conversation.

"Haven't seen him in a while. I talked to him for a bit on the Holonet, but it was just friendly talk."

Cody and I are… complicated. No two ways to put it. We talked for a while and then he mostly cut it off. Now it's just friendly talk once in a while. I'm just glad I don't have to see him every day and know my feelings aren't exactly being returned.

"Oh." It's all she can really say. She knows I'm bummed and we've already talked about everything there is to talk to him about.

"Yeah." I sigh. "And how about Lux?"

"It's going great! We talk almost every day. And I always make sure to tell him goodnight." She spurts with enthusiasm. I smile. Ahsoka is always so excited and happy and it always rubs off on me.

We spend the rest of the afternoon either in blissful silence or talking. Mostly talking. We have so much to say we often talk over each other, even though we see one another almost every day and tell each other everything. After talking for a few hours, we lapse into silence. Just as I'm drifting off into the first layers of sleep, a thought comes to my head.

"Ahsoka?" I say.

"Yeah?" She sounds a bit disgruntled like she was almost asleep herself.

"Don't ever stop being yourself. You are truly amazing. Thanks for being my pal." I say.

She chuckles softly and I see a smile spreading across the profile of her face that is bathed in sunlight.

"Of course, Barr." She says. A satisfied smile crosses my lips as I close my eyes once again and let the sunlight kiss my pale green skin.

We might actually survive this war.

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I hope you enjoyed! Please take a moment and leave a review! It makes all the difference. Another chapter along with a drawing will be up soon! Make sure you look at the drawing too!

Thank you,

Zoe Maddox


	2. Please

A bit of a short chapter, but I like the emotion that's going with it. The picture that goes with this is on my Deviant Art page. Check it out. ZoeMaddox. The title is the same for the chapter: Please...

I hope you enjoy!

Thank you,

Zoe Maddox

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Chapter Two: Please…

My eyes flutter open slowly, as if after a long night of sleep. The bright lights and white room blind me, and I quickly snap them shut again for remedy. Exhaustion hits me hard and I find myself wishing that I really was waking up from a night of much needed sleep. It's something I haven't had the luxury of for months. The War has left me lost even though it is my new "normal." A Jedi, a peacekeeper of the galaxy, who's 'normal' is killing? I groan internally and touch my forehead. My fingers come in contact with one of the many bruises which serve as my souvenir from the Second Battle Geonosis and I wince in pain.

"You're finally awake." I hear a gruff voice comment from somewhere across the room.

I open my eyes in shock even though I don't need them to reveal the identity of the speaker. He stands at the window, observing the dark and dry night of the desert with its whipping winds and coarse sand that gets into every crack and crevice. His helmet is attached to his belt and his arms are held stiffly behind his back. His dark hair is short, to military standard, as always, and his armor is a bit more scuffed than the last time I saw him.

I stare at him in surprise, my face stuck in an open-mouthed stare. My well-worn composure shatters into a billion pieces that cut open the scars that crisscross my heart. My entire body shakes and I almost forget to breathe. This man… The man I've been trying to forget about for the last few months of my life… The man I dreamt about for weeks and was afraid to fall asleep because I knew when I woke up, I would have to confront the pain that I was no longer his… The man that I had shared every pain of this War with… was standing not even ten feet away from me.

"Wh.. what.. you…" I struggle to speak, to make sense of this bitter-sweet nightmare that is challenging my heart and all the logic I think I have.

"You almost died." He snaps, turning to face me. His amber eyes are angry, twisting the scar on the left side of his face, making him look even more terrifying. I've never seen him angry at me before and I flinch, sinking back to the slanted back of the medical bay beds. He paces back and forth, his arms crossed angrily across his chest.

"What were you thinking? Going in without a backup plan? You almost died!" I cover my face with my hands like a shield, as if I can leave here for a moment. I bite my tongue. It's still too much to deal with. It hurts too much to see him. It aches and all the agony that has been tormenting me at any little detail is tumbling down on my head. It feels as if all the water of Kamino is falling on my chest.

I try to concentrate on his Force signature. He has always been hard to read, but today, his anger is a bright red smear on his mind. I force my way through it to try to see below the obvious. The bright yellow of worry is painted frantically under the red.

Worry? He's not here because Kenobi told him to be here. He's probably not even supposed to be here. He should be in the barracks sleeping and instead he's here, talking to someone he promised not to ever contact again. And he's here out of worry?

"Commander." I say quietly. He keeps walking back and forth the small room, ranting about how he appreciates my selflessness, but how could I be so stupid…

"Commander." I say a little louder, and he stops talking to himself. He stares expectantly, as if awaiting my explanation for my idiocy.

"Why are you here? I thought that we had made up our minds." My face is hardened into a scowl of disapproval.

His eyes soften to caramel and he turns away and walks back to the window again. My eyes dig into the back of his head. I want a bandage for my aching heart, something that can sooth the pain for the time being until I can mend it myself. My own arms form an angry barrier on my chest. I deserve an answer.

"What were you thinking when you hit the 'Fire' button? What were you thinking when you were dying? Did you think about Master Unduli? And Gree? And the rest of the people who care about you?" His hands are balled up in fists at his side. "You almost died." He glares out the window with such intensity that I'm sure he's not really looking at the Geonosian night.

I stand quietly and soundlessly take my place next to him. I don't look at him; I only stare into the bleak night.

"What would I do if you died?" he whispers shakily. His anger has seemed to wash off him and now he is dripping with uncertainty and the bright yellow I saw before. I close my eyes and try to decipher his Force signature, but I am overwhelmed with the several emotions he is leaving in the Force. Anger, worry, loss, uncertainty…

I suddenly feel his gloved hand grab mine. I jolt, my eyes meeting his in shock. We had an agreement that if we break again, I'm not sure if I can go back to the way it was before.

Before I can turn away, his soft, gold eyes hold mine for a second and scream what he whispers.

"Please…"

He's in as much pain as I am. He holds my hand gently and I hold on lighter than I'd like to. We stand quietly like this, alone but together at the same time. We suffer without each other, even though being together has consequences neither of us can afford to think about at the moment. We are warriors hand in hand. But at the moment, I don't feel like a warrior. I feel weak and fragmented.

In the Force we look like two individuals who aren't sure what to do without each other, but are broken together. I sigh and bite back tears that threaten to spill. I tighten my grip on his hand, letting my mind slip from the reality that he has to be gone soon, and let our entwined hands be my anchor to this moment.

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Make sure you leave a review with some constructive critism or with a request! A little lovin' is always encouraged. Make sure you check out the picture!

Thank you,

Zoe Maddox


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